An introduction

Once upon a time, there was a little girl from Brooklyn whose dream was to grow up and have a handsome and wonderful husband, one boy child and one girl child, a cute dog in a beautiful house with a swimming pool and live happily ever after. And then, as they say, she woke up.

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Ellyn. I am old enough to have a grown son, with two little ones of his own, but young enough so that nobody believes me when I tell them that. When I show pictures of my grandsons to people who don't know me, they first ask me if they are my kids. I never get tired of hearing that...but I digress.

Parts of the dream did come true. I do have the beautiful house with the swimming pool and the really cute dog, and as I said, I did have the boy child, but since the husband was handsome but not so wonderful, and I didn't take that walk down the aisle a second time, the girl child, alas, was not to be.

Which brings me to the point of this bIog.

For years, I thought about having another child, but without a husband and a stable and secure life, it wasn't something that I would have considered. I was a young, single, working mother who was also going to school, barely making ends meet for just the two of us. Through the passing years, I often thought about the possibility of adoption, but I was a single woman all wrapped up in the business of being a single woman whose lifestyle was, shall we say, a lifestyle that didn't lend itself to motherhood. I resigned myself to the fact that my time had passed and pushed the idea of having another child so far out of my head, that I forgot about it...or so I thought.

Then, a little more than four years ago, my first beautiful,amazing grandson was born. I was in love. All I could think about was all the things I would be able to do with him and for him as he grew. I could do all the things that I didn't or couldn't do with my son when he was young because of lack of money or time or circumstance...or so I thought

I quickly learned that I was the only one with these plans. My daughter-in-law had and still has a whole other game plan...one that did not and does not include me in any major role. Many battles have been fought and lost, by me. I have shed more tears in the last four years than I ever thought possible.

After much soul searching, It became apparent to me that I still want to be a mother. After years of fantasizing about the little girl I always wanted, it occurred to me that if I really wanted her, I should do something about it. I realized that part of the reason I was so upset about not being able to be what I wanted to be to my grandsons is just that - they are not MY children - they are just my grandchildren. I could stand on my head and cry and scream and reason and plead and beg, but nothing is going to change that fact. If I wanted to be a parent, if I wanted to fulfill my needs, if I wanted to make a real difference in the life of a child, I was going to have to have a child of my own, which at this point in my life equals adoption.

So, I decided to adopt - from Russia - the land of my grandparents.

The fabulous thing about this type adoption, aside from all the altruistic aspects, is that I get to choose age range and gender. However, it is a very long process. The agency I am working with said it is a minimum average of 8-12 months for a referral for a girl from the time my paperwork was sent over and translated which was in July. Girls at any age, apparently, are at a premium - go figure.

So, I am waiting for my little girl.

And yes, my son thinks I am crazy, but that is a subject for another day.